1. When people start a sentence with “I should probably not be telling you this, but…”. Stop. You already know that truth, and that truth is – no, you should not be telling me this. The reasons vary – it’s not your information to share, you are passing on a rumour, whatever that is about to come of your mouth is unsolicited advice, whatever it may be… stop.
2. Hot coffee poured into a cold cup. No. Just no. You might as well serve the nectar of the gods in a plastic bucket. You take the mug, and pre-heat it with hot, preferably boiling water. Give it a bit of time, THEN pour out the water, and pour the black gold. Obviously.
3. My male cat Casey meowing few minutes after five every fucking morning. I love him dearly. Except in those moments. I have been known to give up my pillow in order to strategically throw it at the spot in the room from where meowing seems to emanate. Italian (bless him) eventually gives in, and gets up to feed the two – Emma is too polite to bother us, but clever enough to outsource the bothering to her asshole brother.
4. When avocados are done too quickly. Ugh. “Already?”. So disappointing.
5. When “unicorn frappuccino” is a thing.
6. When a product or a service does not list a price, but instead sends you on a goose chase of frequently asked questions (that are really just veiled “here’s what we want you to know” marketing points), and sign-up forms. Two hours later, you received three promotional emails, but you still have no idea how much the damn thing actually costs.
7. When someone asks for medical advice on Facebook. “I woke up today with this very sharp pain in my abdominal area. It has been getting worse, and now I am also covered in bright green spots”.
8. When someone actually gives medical advice on Facebook. “You should try beet root extract. My neighbor’s daughter’s husband had the same thing (well, except his spots were blue), and the extract cleared him right up!”.
9. When someone wears high support trail shoes with aggressive tread to a squat rack. On the other hand, I am yet to see someone wear weightlifting shoes to a trail run – although I imagine witnessing that would also cause me endless psychological suffering.
10. When there is anything but peanuts in peanut butter.The only acceptable exception is salt, and even then you are getting adventurous.
11. When a country grows a shitload of peanuts, but refuses to grind them into peanut butter. Can someone say peanuts wasted??? Nicaragua, I am looking at you.
12. When someone posts random stuff on Instalive stories – or whatever the hell, the latest Snapchat ripoff is called – twenty times a day. Why am I watching you walk on a treadmill? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with ME? This is the 2017 equivalent of Twitter lunch updates from six years ago. “I am making a sandwich”. “I am eating a sandwich”. “I have finished my sandwich”. Make it stop.
13. When spring completely misses the deadline. It IS May. Hellooooo? Nasty grey AND rain ALL day. Check your notes. You are SO out of line. This kind of service is absolutely unacceptable. I would like a return on the last two weeks, please. Or, I will simply have to take my business elsewhere. Like Costa Rica.
P.S. Send cookies and sunshine.
P.P.S. On a slightly brighter note, I think it will be supercool to reflect on little things that pissed me off today ten years from now. The beauty of blogging. Because while daily hassles change, they never go away.