Bleeding

I got my period few days ago. Hardly newsworthy for a 30-something year old female, yet up until few weeks ago, I was not expecting my cycle to be back for many months.

I am sad, but no longer the acute body-shattering sobbing-in-the-shower sad. More of a tears-rolling-down, while writing this blog post sad. The feeling gets duller, duller, dull.

This body handled the whole thing like a champ – from losing (and then making up) a bunch of blood (so much blood), to allowing me to be upright and somewhat coherent mere hours after coming from the emergency room, and then running almost 30km only days later.

Four weeks later, the mindfuck of remaining food aversions is finally gone, and I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I miss the bigger boobs – those were nice. Pants and jeans are tight, and things look a bit different, which tells me that the body comp has shifted somewhat. Nothing unusual, given the hormone cocktail of the last few weeks, although it would be nice to have a human infant in addition to increased body fat. But, body did what body needed to do, and it will settle back on the body comp also, now that I no longer eat mashed potatoes with hotdogs, and Kraft dinner for all meals, unable to stomach anything else.

The closure of miscarriage does not come with pregnancy. It comes with the next cycle. This is as close as you ever get to “the end”. The body says “You! Hey, you! We are back on schedule. I did all the work”.

Thanks, buddy.

P.S. I decided to turn the comments back on for now. I’d love to hear from you. The outpouring of support in response to my post about miscarriage has been amazing, and I would hate if all the little “hellos” got forever lost in Facebook land. If you are reading, let me know.

Hugs, SOLO