Let’s see. I am a raging extravert who loves hugging people, and who is obsessed with travel.
No, I am not doing well.
I sorta dated this one dude years ago who was not a toucher. It only lasted a few months. Mostly because he was emotionally unavailable, and had his own stuff to sort through. But also… because I was WITHERING without touch. He’d maintain two inches of space between us when we sat on a couch, and shook me off as I tried to hold his hand in public.
[On that note, Italian asked me the other day if it’s too late for me to still go to India. He was joking, of course. Har har. But… the poor guy is feeling pretty smothered right now. I’ve been hanging off of him for a week, and wearing my child on my chest, and my cats around my neck.]
Also, I did this ten day silent meditation retreat years ago (yep, I’ve done one already). Up at 4am, eight hours of meditation a day, no reading, no writing allowed. No talking, no eye contact, no touching.
The hardest part? It wasn’t the silence itself. I’m happy not to talk when I am alone. I like being alone (it’s awesome company). It’s being around people, and being forced not to interact. I had a roommate at the ashram, and it tore me apart, not to talk and not to acknowledge each other in any way, as we came in and out of our shared room. Why? Because under any other circumstances, it would mean that we had a fight, or hated each other. It was physically uncomfortable.
Right now, it’s not the empty streets that freak me out, it’s people at grocery stores, keeping their eyes down, as they make their way through the half empty isles.
I struggle to find a healthy balance between doing everything I can to minimize the risk of infection to others, and not delving into a black hole of depressive darkness that comes with social isolation for me.
I work remotely, and will continue to work remotely. No steep learning curve for me there. My next pay cheque will not be impacted. I live ten minutes away from a large piece of forest where I can go for walks and runs, while not exposing myself or others. My immediate family and friends are young and healthy, and have no risk factors.
I am checking my privilege, and doing the best I can.
Even if “the best” is not super awesome right now.
Stay away from me / I love you, SOLO