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Ms. Monokini, And How To Piss Off A Spartan Chick

Apparently, all you have to do is to wear a swimsuit to a Spartan Race. A monokini to be exact…

Well, actually, no, that’s not quite enough. Because this photo left us cold. In more ways than one…

This one was… warmer. However, still no TNT.

You have to be a hot blonde and wear a swimsuit to a Spartan Race. Yeah, that’s it. And then just sit back and watch the fireworks.

In case you are wondering, here’s the infamous photo in question. It was pulled from the Spartan Race website oh-so-quickly.

Did I mention the fireworks?

1. The photo portrays Spartan Race as an easy race! Actually, I think those running a Spartan Beast in a bunny costume are more guilty of that.

2. The photo is not bad ass enough! Heee hee – ass!

3. What a dumb blonde with big boobs! This one is almost too easy… When in doubt, always connect someone’s IQ with their bra size. Right on. 4. She looks too good! I love this one. This is the definition of “you can’t win”.

5. She doesn’t represent the face of Spartan. Umm… why not? Oh, because she is a dumb blonde with big boobs. Most women of Spartan are Phds with an A-cup. Got it.

6. Anyone can run with their boobs hanging out! Actually, no. Not anyone.

Detailed analyses of this woman’s intellect as well as the authenticity of her various body parts, including the possible presence of silicone in the picture were all discussed.

The second wind of comments included her defenders, just as passionate as those who were bashing her minutes before.

  • She should be able to wear whatever she wants.

  • Feminism says it’s ok.

  • So what is she has fake boobs, maybe she’s had cancer! (Wait, what? Yes, really. Once you have a kitchen sink, throw it all in).

Men were inconspicuously silent.

At the end of the day, the conclusion seemed to be that while she can wear whatever she wants, it is unfortunate that the photographers have sexualized her so.

Sexualization of women is not ok!

Or something like that. Insert a pile of burning bras here.

Semantics to the rescue…

To sexualize → make sexual; endow with sex. Usually used with a negative connotation when sexuality is inappropriately imposed on a person.

Here… Let me show you what that looks like.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B. [Yes, she is topless].

Exhibit C… my favorite.


People… Ms. Monokini wasn’t sexualized by the media or the photographer. After all, she was one of the actual racers – this was not a staged photoshoot. She was sexualized by her own freaking outfit. And… unless she was dressed by a blind gnome in the dark… sexualized very much on purpose.

Again… let me show you.

Here… in all my Halloween glory…

and another…

Did you have any trouble sexualizing the images above? No?

[Sigh… given how old these photos are, I may need me some new ones. Last two years have me covered in mud…]

How about this one?


Come on! Sexualize it! I dare you!

But I look so sexyyyyyyyy!

Yes, a sports bra and short shorts do not constitute any more clothing than a monokini. But, it’s not an inherently sexy outfit. Many find it sexy. Awesome.

Deep cleavage on a swimsuit – no, it’s not there out of convenience…

Let’s give her some credit, and assume that she is an adult, and if she is able to complete a Spartan Sprint under 90 minutes, then she also carries some capacity for independent action. That includes self-sexualizing (holy moly, is that a word?)…

P. S. Of course, there is a small matter of Ms. Monokini potentially breaking the official Spartan rules which state that “Clothing must be socially acceptable by local norms”.

Norms… schnorms…

In early 1900s, poor Annette (see below) was arrested for public indecency. What a slut!

Today, in (most of) the United States, exposing genitals and/or female nipples in a public place is illegal. Canada also prohibits indecent acts, however, toplessness is not an indecent act as of 1996. Breasts flopping in the wind unite!

Given the monokini uproar, it may be a hint that the outfit was going against those said norms. However, racing in a sports bra and short (and I mean short) shorts never seemed to offend anyone… Hmmm…

Good luck defining that shapeless semantic mess.

Signing off, Solo


Semantics is the study of meaning, and the relationship between words and what they stand for. This is a post in my Semantics series.

“All our work, our whole life is a matter of semantics, because words are the tools with which we work, the material out of which laws are made, out of which the Constitution was written. Everything depends on our understanding of them.” [Felix Frankfurter]


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