top of page

Picking Sides, Walt Whitman, and Botox

Oh hey, Friend.

Before I get into the post this week, two things: 1. My coaching books are full right now. I am anticipating a few coaching spots opening up in September. If you know you want to work with me, but right NOW was not the right time, but it might indeed be in September, please let me know. We can chat, and if you are a good fit, then I’ll reach out to you FIRST. 2. I am geeking out on ChatGPT, and specifically, how it applies (or can apply) to coaching and health. Have you been using it? For fun? For work? For something else entirely? If so, can you hit Reply and let me know? I’d love to learn about all the applications. I’m playing with some creative prompts, and so far have been quite impressed. Would you be interested in hearing more about specific use cases I’ve been experimenting with? And now to our regular programming… I wrote about noticing my crow’s feet earlier this year, and went on a little skincare kick in order to… I’m not sure, to be honest. Slow down time? “Fix” the wrinkles? My skincare “regime” as long as I can remember was “take a shower and get dressed”. For real. If there are any dermatologists on this list, they are crying real tears right now. And yes, perhaps, I could use a regular sunscreen routine AND also some eye cream wouldn’t kill me - beauty standards or not. Everyone likes to be pampered, why should the skin under my eyes be any exception? Here you go, eyes, a little bit of cream for you. Enjoy! In many threads on the topic of “what is the best eye cream?” in an online mommy group, the overarching crowd wisdom was “the best eye cream is Botox”. It’s the frustrating truth with many things, isn’t it? We want a particular type of solution (“eye cream”) to our particular type of “problem” (crow’s feet). But it turns out that to really solve THAT problem you need a different kind of solution entirely. Want “the best exercise to get a six-pack”? It’s not exercise. It’s nutrition. Want “the best app to help with work stress”? It’s not about finding the right app. It’s the actual work that needs addressing. You are asking for a recommendation for the best thing to solve your “problem”, and it turns out THAT is not really the thing you want. Your “solution” is this OTHER thing entirely. And, so, in a hilarious (to me) turn of events, I bought a round of Botox a few months back, when a local highly recommended beauty clinic had a Women’s Day sale. There is deep irony there on many levels. I knew joining an online mommy group would cost me eventually. Now, with the “problem” of crow’s feet, and the “solution” of Botox → All “problems” and “solutions” are in quotes, because are they problems, really? Only in a sense of “here’s this thing I would like to CHANGE right now” for whatever reason. I have never had anything injected into my face (still haven’t, but hey now I’m mentally and financially committed, so stay tuned for the season finale of this trainwreck, I guess). Mostly I’m curious. And I don’t mind contradicting myself, which most people find very unsettling. :) There is something rare and rebellious and counter-culturey about committing to hold all the multiplicities of human nature, have you noticed? There is a lot of push to decide and pick a side, and join an appropriate support group for the side you have chosen. “Oh, you work in health and wellness?”, a new massage therapist muses at me recently. “So, what camp are you in?”. What camp are you in? You NEED a camp. Do you LOVE parenting? And therefore, have children, and have them be your everything? Take a parenting class, put some family stickers on your car window. #blessed Or do you HATE parenting? And therefore, NOT have children, avoid children, roll your eyes every time you see children and choose the life of self-fulfillment and pleasure forever and ever till death releases you? Are you going to be true and authentic and age gracefully like Mother fucking Theresa? Are you going to embrace your bare face, and crow’s feet, and be “raw” and “honest”? Everywhere always, zero exceptions, obvs. OR are you going to be one of those “shallow vain women” [lolz], and do eyelash extensions, AND make-up, AND Botox, AND eyecream, and bring-on-all-the-IG-filters? Wear see-through four-inch heels, giggle hysterically, and blink too often? PICK ONE. Those are the only options, and you must choose one, damn it. Meanwhile, I’m over here, both loving and hating parenting at the same time. I’m over here, wearing progressively longer eyelash extensions, AND quitting them overnight, only to get them done again six months later. I wear all the make-up and then none (most of the time), and then some. [“Mommy, why are you putting that on your face?”, my four year old asks. “For fun”, I shrug. She nods.] And I sort of hate the wrinkles around my eyes, but know why they are there, and know there is nothing to fix. I’m curious about Botox, because I am literally curious about everything, and injecting a thing into your face to make it look slightly different sounds both perverse and therefore, fascinating. In the depth of my bones, I know that it is ok not to choose. As Whitman wisely says: “I am large, I contain multitudes.” Hell, many people probably feel the same way, but… it sure does feel lonely sometimes when it feels that everyone has chosen their camp, and I belong nowhere. Or, perhaps, I belong everywhere and I just join ALL the clubs? Where do multi-camp people go? But hey that’s why we're here - it’s a reality check to that little nagging “my goodness, is it just me” voice? Hugs,


bottom of page