Dear Diary,
I’ll keep using this stupid tagline, until my brain remembers and comprehends that this is a blog – for reference, see my last post.
Anywayyyyy…
The ONE thing I have always been terrified of, before becoming a parent is the grind. The grind is that thing that my friends, who were also parents, told me about – you have a newborn, and then you blink, and they are twelve, and you have no idea where twelve years have gone, you just know that your garage door really really needs painting (again).
“Oh, time flies”, parents would laugh and shrug. “It just goes so fast, I don’t even remember anything.”
Ok, seriously?
Here’s where I, childless, catless and husbandless, would shudder. What do you MEAN you just blink, and twelve years go by? I don’t have time for this! I can’t just blink through twelve years. Have you SEEN my bucket list?
I’d be shaking my head to myself, as I drove to the airport yet again, flying to LA, or to Portland, or to Managua, or to Tel-Aviv, to run a race, or take a course, or attend a festival.
I didn’t want that.
I didn’t want the blur. The grind of the mundane, when all days bleed into each other, and you blink and it’s Monday, Monday, MONDAY. January, December. January, December. How is Starbucks playing fucking Christmas carols already? They were JUST selling heart shaped candy?
And now I look back at the last year, and… smile. No. Gently chuckle at my own naivete? Not at all.
This past year has been the fastest / slowest year of my life. It flew, yes. But it also didn’t fly. It also crawled, and dragged, and also moved at regular average speed at times.
This morning, I found myself in that blur that I was dreading. It was a race to the finish – wake up, coffee, peanut butter toast, breastfeed, wrestle my damn peanut butter toast away from my toddler (Mommy’s toast! MOMMY’S!). Italian and I juggled the baby (parents of twins – hi, M. and K.! – you have my adoration and respect forever) – as he fed her, I got dressed, he changed her, I packed her diaper bag, he put snowsuit on her, I started the car, cleaned the snow off the car, drove to daycare, rushed to the dentist to spend ninety goddamn minutes in a chair to get a cracked filling fixed, oh and gym, and back home, and sit my ass down in front of a computer for the rest of the day, because work.
Blur.
The grind.
It was also kind of fun.
I’m looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.
Hugs, SOLO