Hello, awesome people.
Yesterday, I finally had a follow-up with my sports doctor. Truth to be told, I was not too surprised when he told me I had a partial rotator cuff tear. I’ve been experiencing pain and limited range of motion for months.
In fact, for two weeks before my appointment, I tried to prepare for the very real prospect of shoulder surgery. And still, right before I had to jump in my car to go to my appointment, I started brooding.
“I don’t want to goooo!”, I whined to Italian. “Why?” He seemed confused. “I don’t want to hear him say it!” “Right. It’s not true until he says it.” “Exactly!” I say, relieved that he understand. Then I look up and see that he is looking back at me incredulously.
He was joking. I wasn’t.
There is something to be said about not knowing what exactly is wrong. There are so many different stories in your head (mind you, most are worse than the actual reality), that you can tell yourself.
It is not as absolute until it is. See, I have not done push-ups or pull-ups for months, because they hurt. But Olympic lifting? That hurt too, but in a less obvious meh way. I didn’t technically KNOW that I had a rotator cuff tear, right? So, I didn’t technically know that I wasn’t supposed to be doing Olympic lifting.
Do you follow that logic?
The good news is that my sports doc thinks that I might be able to rehab the shoulder without a surgery. And, if there is a chance to heal something without surgical intervention that usually IS a better option. So, I am optimistic. I am also not doing Olympic lifting for a while. I’ve been eyeing a competition in June that is not going to happen.
Unfortunately, this means no obstacle racing either, until the shoulder is better. On the upside, I am getting super fascinated with the notion of athletic identity, and the impact of injury on said identity. It’s a pretty hot topic! Soooo, there may be a piece on that coming your way soon.
Hey, looks like 2018 is practically PUSHING me to reinvent myself.
How convenient, amirite? Sigh.